Music and stuff.

If you don't already know I am also interested in music. I have been in the choir at LBCC since Spring. I am also taking a voice class this Summer. I am kind of nervous about it. I like to look at it like how I show my paintings. I am presenting a song just like I present my art and then allowing others to interpret and make comments about it. I have been in choirs my whole life and I enjoy everyone singing together. Singing solo is something very different. I have taken one voice class before, but that was quite sometime ago. I am jumping in again. It's just opening myself up to a new experience, which at this point I could use in my life.

I have also been thinking about my upcoming birthday and reflecting on the many years I have been here on this earth. If you would have asked me back in high school what my life would be like in 10 years; that I would have a BFA in Drawing and Painting and on the verge of her 28th birthday with no family to speak of. I wouldn't have believed it. It's amazing how things don't happen at all like you think they will.

Ecc 3:11

He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end.

A verse I should remember as I struggle to understand what my life really means and as I struggle to not be discontent at where God has me right now. I wish I knew what he was up to.

How It all Relates

The last post is just some of my earlier paintings that sort of jump started where I am now. I like most artists live in my head. It gets crowded some times. I wanted to display in visual form the thoughts and feelings that continually run through my head. I suppose in some way all art is like this. But I try to relay certain feelings with certain images. I continually have feelings of loneliness, so I suppose that is a continual theme. I am also always thinking about how my faith in Christianity relates to all these feelings. As a Christian growing up in a fairly conservative family, I was always told that God had a plan for me. I could and should trust in Him only for everything. If I didn't have something or if something happens there is always a reason and God is using this conflict to teach me something. I agree with this still. But how does one deal with doubt and being angry for where God has supposedly put me in my life? These things consistently plague my thinking. Out of the turmoil of my thought life comes the inspiration for my paintings. Here are some of the paintings I did from my show "Nothing Is Satisfied"at CSULB last Fall.

Paintings

Why am I doing this?

Okay, to be honest with you and most importantly myself. I don't know what I am doing with my my life. If I even have control over anything at all. I can't live with out creating art. My life is my inspiration. I create art because it satisfies something in me, but the pain never really seems to go away. I have an innate need to do these things and I can't distinguish my art from my life. My life is an art. Everyone's life is. It is all how you look at it I guess. I don't read many blogs myself, so I am not sure what everyone else is doing but to be honest I don't really care. I need to share all these things that I create. My head is the worst place to be at times and I see things all too well. I see things that I wish I could not see. I also believe that most people choose not to see, and that makes my sight that much more apparent. But, why am I doing this blog thing? Well, because everyone else is doing it. My roommate told me about it. I wanted to catalog my art and my life in a tangible way. I have kept journals from as far back as 5th grade. I guess I just need to know that someone out there is reading them. I may at times even post some of those old ones just to give some perspective.