OH Crap!

I don't know. I haven't been painting much. I suppose that whether I paint or not doesn't really matter. I have this blog that no one really reads so whatever. I have so much going on in my mind right now that I don't even know where to begin. Because all in all I like to do things for the sake that some one else will get something out if it. Not just me. I like being in the conversation. I like going back and forth giving and taking. I feel alone so much of the time. I write to appease a burning within in me that I can't fully articulate.

I work 8 hours a day now. I have a few good friends and not that I don't love them. But something is missing. I went to church tonight the Pastor discussed Romans 10. I wish I could have been more vigilant to keep up with all of it but my mind kept wandering. But I guess the gist of it was about God being sovereign over "all." That includes the acts of stupid feeble minded humans. Does God allow us to do the things that we know aren't right? Why would he? Very heady stuff that I am still trying to digest.

I have to say that I haven't been a very good Christian. I allow my discontentment and my loneliness get the best of me. I love doing art and I love singing in the choir at school but I know this isn't all my life is supposed to be.

I know things are going to change drastically in the upcoming months and I suppose it's about that time. A whole new thing will appear in my life and I will have to adjust. I don't know how difficult it will be but it is coming. I just need to keep my head above water until then.